If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
