I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
