My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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