No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
