no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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