I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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