why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
