forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
