He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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