I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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