Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
