the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
