i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize