no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and she was petting her beer can
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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