If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
