Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
