yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
