i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
