What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize