sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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