So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
