I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
