Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
