fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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