Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do herpes really smell.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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