I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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