Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
