yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize