he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
