i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
