i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
