Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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