i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
