you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
smell my finger.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
