I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
