Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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