The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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