You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
