i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
