You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
