she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
