I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
