We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
