I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
