First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
