You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
