how can u be prego again
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
