we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
