That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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