Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like eating out sand paper
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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