the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
