The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
