Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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