you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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