Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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