see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
