So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
