My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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