end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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