remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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