So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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