it hurts more in the daytime
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you win again, gameday.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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