Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize