How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
