3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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