The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've blown a few things in my day
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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